My husband drinks every day — how do I cope?

He comes home late, reeking of alcohol. Or he drinks at home, and by evening he is a different person — angry, unpredictable, sometimes violent. The children hide. You lie awake. You cover for him at work, with family, with neighbours. You have tried begging, threatening, crying, hiding the bottles. Nothing works.

You are exhausted. And you have every right to be.

This article is for you — the one living with an alcoholic. Not to fix him, because you cannot. But to help you see clearly, protect yourself, and find strength.

What you need to hear

• You are not the reason he drinks. He may blame you — his stress, his disappointments, his anger at you. But addiction is his problem, not yours. You did not cause it, and you cannot cure it.
• You cannot love him into sobriety. This is the hardest truth. No amount of sacrifice, patience, or perfect behaviour from you will make him stop. He has to choose it himself.
• Your children are watching. They are learning what marriage looks like. They are absorbing the fear, the chaos, the broken promises. Protecting them is not betrayal — it is your responsibility.

What you can do

• Stop covering for him. When you call his boss and say he's sick, when you hide the broken furniture, when you smile and pretend everything is fine — you are protecting his addiction, not him. Let the consequences fall.
• Protect your finances. If possible, keep money separate. Don't hand over your income or savings for him to drink away. Your children need food and school fees more than he needs a bottle.
• Have a safety plan. If he becomes violent, know where you can go. A relative's house, a neighbour, a women's shelter. Keep important documents (Aadhaar, ration card, bank passbook) in a place you can grab quickly.
• Talk to someone. Don't suffer in silence. A trusted friend, a pastor, a counsellor — let someone into your reality.
• Contact Al-Anon India — a support group for families of alcoholics. They understand what you're going through because they've lived it. Visit alanon.co.in or ask at your local hospital for family support groups.
• Take care of yourself. Eat. Sleep. Pray. Go for a walk. You cannot pour from an empty cup.

God is your refuge

"God is our refuge and strength, a very present help in trouble." — Psalm 46:1 (NKJV)

"தேவன் நமக்கு அடைக்கலமும் பெலனும், ஆபத்துக்காலத்தில் அநுகூலமான துணையுமானவர்." — சங்கீதம் 46:1 (TAOVBSI)

"When you pass through the waters, I will be with you; and through the rivers, they shall not overflow you. When you walk through the fire, you shall not be burned, nor shall the flame scorch you." — Isaiah 43:2 (NKJV)

"நீ தண்ணீர்களைக் கடக்கும்போது நான் உன்னோடு இருப்பேன்; நீ ஆறுகளைக் கடக்கும்போது அவைகள் உன்மேல் புரளுவதில்லை; நீ அக்கினியில் நடக்கும்போது வேகாதிருப்பாய்; அக்கினிஜுவாலை உன்பேரில் பற்றாது." — ஏசாயா 43:2 (TAOVBSI)

"The king's heart is in the hand of the Lord, like the rivers of water; He turns it wherever He wishes." — Proverbs 21:1 (NKJV)

"ராஜாவின் இருதயம் கர்த்தருடைய கையில் நீர்க்கால்களைப்போல் இருக்கிறது; அதைத் தமக்குச் சித்தமான எவ்விடத்திற்கும் அவர் திருப்புகிறார்." — நீதிமொழிகள் 21:1 (TAOVBSI)

If God can turn the heart of a king, He can reach your husband too. But while you wait and pray, take care of yourself and your children. You are not selfish for wanting safety. You are not unloving for setting boundaries. And you are not alone — reach out to us anytime.